When Jana wakes from her afternoon nap and, so happy to see me, gives me her radiant full-face smile, I smile back and feel on my own face the smile you used to give me when I woke up in the morning. Or, when Jana does something particularly cute, I'll glance up at Gary, and in the look we exchange I see the one I remember crossing between you and dad at opposite ends of the dinner table. It was a look full of feelings I never knew until now.